Saturday, December 06, 2008

Turnaround


this year is to me
a story
of sorts
a medley
of mourning
and mending.
Not just peeling back
but
tearing
aching
bleeding.
the kind of pain that makes you feel your heartbeat.

cowardly
i shook my fist at You.
i begged You to make it stop.
i idolized the pleasantness of peace.
please Jesus.
please.
i wanted relief
more than
i wanted You.

and
then,
as a last resort
i clung to You
knuckles white.
i leaned in
desperate to hear
that pulse
so steady
so quiet.
and slowly
ever so
slowly
i felt
Life
course through my veins
and awaken me
to rich
shameless
dependency.

i saw myself as i was
so broken
so at the mercy of my own
failure
my own emotion
my own irrationality.

and then i saw You.
so able
so ready
not resenting me for my need
not dragging your feet
but so unmistakably ready to love
and undeniably strong enough
to fix me.
to heal me.

and now
here i am
leaving this place
with scars
with delightfully shameful reminders
of what was
and what You did
only by mercy
to change me.

i'm leaving this place
with a heart
full of love
full of joy
full of a desperate awareness
that YOU
are all i have.

so here's to hope.
here's to You not giving up on me.
here's to a beautiful turnaround.
a glorious, merciful turnaround.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Through our Eyes/ Take a Walk

Our Joy Boys
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Let's just say this post has been a LONG time coming. Since the day we decided to come home early, it's been a WHIRLWIND.

For so long I've wanted to fill you in on what normal looks like for us here. I regret that I didn't do this sooner. I'm so thankful for the family and friends that got to come visit us while we were here...they really got to see life through our eyes! It's been such a challenge and joy living here that I don't want to miss the chance to share it with you!

Also, Angie tagged me like four years ago but I haven't had the time to post. So here's a fulfillment of sorts...some very random things about this country!! Sorry it's taken so long Angie!
________________________________________________________________

So for a long time I refused to work out/ go walking in my neighborhood because I didn't want to stand out as a foreigner.

Well, we've been here long enough. Everyone knows I'm a foreigner. I'm mean really people, it's obvious. I figure I might as well go ahead and get my exercise...it's surely not making me stand out more than I already do!!

And...before I wasn't really needing to exercise because Jon & I were walking 40 minutes a day to and from the metro to get to our language school. And my oh my, I am NOT complaining!! Could things be ANY more ideal-- that my exercise was built-right-into my schedule?? I didn't even have a chance to get out of it!! LOVED that.

But we're not doing formal language school right now, so in the house I sit. Yep, and something about sitting must make your hips bigger...I'm sure of it.

A mom told me once (I think it was Jenn) that she runs because, with four kiddos, it's the best way to burn the most calories the fastest. Well folks, I think that'd be just about over the top in this country. So I'm sticking to walking. However, every once in awhile I get this strong urge to run. TOTALLY bizarre, I know. But it's one thing I REALLY look forward to....but maybe by the time I get the chance I won't have to wear spandex, get my drift???

Anyway, for the last 3 months, I've been taking the boys for walks several days a week. With Jude in stroller and Brennan in the pack, we'd head out for some fitness, fun, and fresh air. And recently I brought my camera along for some fun. I apologize for the low quality of some of these pictures! I didn't want to draw onlookers, so I was shooting quickly!

Below you'll find a list of fun things we see/ experience while walking, peppered with some not-so-fun things. ;0)

I'm doing this as much for myself as I am for you...ok maybe more. I don't want to forget the life we lived here. It holds so much significance for what the Lord did in us!! And one day Brennan will want to know what it looked like! He was born here!

After reading, you'll see that I have NO problem keeping Jude entertained in the stroller!!

- Chickens. Yep, free-roamin', trash-eatin', street-dominating Chickens. All sizes, shapes, and colors cross our path.If you look really close, on the left side of the picture, you can see where they slaughter the chickens (right there in the street!)

-Bougainvilleas! Most every house has a walled-in terrace here, and some of the walls have these gorgeous flowers hanging over them. I hate the closed-in feeling of all the white washed walls (aka you don't see anyone's yard or front door)...it just seems so unwelcoming! But for me, these flowers scream, "Hey! I would LOVE some visitors!" I like to think that the people who live inside are friendly. ;0)

-Sheep. Often they're herded through the neighborhood leaving wonderful gifts behind them on every last step of the street! This picture is taken standing at my kitchen sink!!


-TRASH. Big nasty piles of yuck-filled madness. The pictures don't even do it justice! Needless to say, here second graders are NOT taught the "Don't mess with Texas" slogan. This was a big shocker when I came but, sadly, I hardly notice it now (unless it smells).

A story on this-- my neighbor & I were once discussing the value of cleanliness in our cultures and she told me it's a HIGH value to keep your house virtually spotless, but LAUGHED when I asked her about the street....like, who in the world would clean the street? ...I guess it's obvious I come from nice, clean suburbia.
This is just across the street from our house.

When the pile gets big enough they burn it. And BOY does it smell GOOD!

-Wild dogs. Yeppers, it's true. But they don't attack. THANKFULLY.

-Construction Equipment! Jude LOVES this one! He identifies each piece as we walk by and repeats them louder if I don't respond to him with a, "You're right, buddy. That IS a backhoe." Seriously. He's a boy.

-Cat Corpses. And live cats too. But, surprisingly, sometimes the live ones are more gross than the dead ones. I don't have a picture for you. That would be morbid.

-Jasmine & Honeysuckle! Again, lovely. Makes my nose happy!

-CONTRAST. It's amazing how the VERY wealthy live right next door to the VERY poor here. These two pictures are both from my neighborhood.
The Rich.

And the Poor.
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Now.
For our house.
You've seen plenty of the inside. Here's a few of around the place.
The pic at the top of our blog is a view of the city from our rooftop!
Our gate and living room balcony.

The view from our living room balcony.
Yep. A Dump!

That Dump sells bricks for building.

The view from our kitchen balcony.

I hope this post even semi-interesting. Just so you know, I've spent 3 months writing it! I just wanted it to be perfect. But, alas, it cannot be. For several reasons, but namely because
1. I am not Brandon nor Bethan Rogers.
2. My life is CRAZY busy at the moment!

Well, at least it's on paper...err...the internet! You know what I mean!
More to come soon!