So, it's on the table. We suffer from disbelief. Now, what? I seem to be REALLY good at diagnosing the problem and ordering the prescription. But I seem to always forget to go by the pharmacy and pick it up.But really, what do we do with this information? Our lives are ever so compartmentalized. We're already in so deep.
God has begun breaking things down for me. He's giving me examples of people who live ministry outside AND inside of their homes...opening their doors to broken people and letting them inside their haven/ safe place. This is more than just getting your hands dirty...and then going inside to wash them clean. It's getting them dirty and leaving them that way-- immersing yourself in ministry. But how do I do it? ...how do I break the cycle in MY life?
I've quoted this friend before...
"Our desire to minister to others
is directly related to
how we are letting Jesus minister to us."
So true. There is great feast on the table, yet I go hungry. Apparently comfort and the favor of man are enough for me. At least that's how I act. I trade His nearness for a little bag of silver daily.
This isn't about learning how to share my faith. It's about knowing Him deeply and letting Him marr me into a vessel of beauty.
"And the vessel that He made of clay was marred in the hand of the Potter; so He made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the Potter to make"
Jeremiah 18:4
Keeping silent is really about protecting myself...from foolishness, misunderstanding, and loneliness. It's easy to be paralyzed by awkwardness, insecurity, and judgement. It's hard to tell people that Jesus is our only Hope, our only way to the Father, the only Good we'll ever know, the only God who lives.
And I don't know the answer to my pride. Or really, I can't seem to surrender to the Answer to my pride. But slowly, slowly He's marring and restoring. As I glean from His goodness, He's making me new. He's turning familiarity into awe. Slowly, slowly.
4 comments:
Salpal,
It has been really humbling to approach my understanding of grace afresh and anew. Reading through the Psalms has shown me that I am no different from "the wicked," except that God has shown me unmerited favor...UNMERITED favor--very humbling.
Thank you for striving with me, sister, as we run this race. You constantly challenge me...thank you for being open about how the Lord is teaching you and crushing pride/insecurity/fear of man.
Dear sister, I read this Psalm this morning, which relates to your lessons about "knowing Him deeply and letting Him marr me into a vessel of beauty." Psalm 103:1-5: "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy Name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, who FORGIVES your iniquity, who HEALS all your diseases, who REDEEMS your life from the pit, who CROWNS you with steadfast love and mercy, who SATISFIES you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagles." May we bless the Lord in our souls, and allow that worship to come out through our mouths and actions!
I'm sorry this post turned out super ghetto! I'm in the process of trying to fix it!
I love you!! Thank you for being so honest with us...don't we all struggle with pride in some sort of fashion?! If we didn't say so, I would think we would be liars also! :)
HUGS, friend!!!
Lindsee
P.S. Me and my 'pal' had a great time yesterday?! He even made it to my blog!! ;)
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