.:Dead dog tired:.We're here in Clifton, NJ at a month-long training program to help equip us for our work overseas. This training consists of classes from 8am-1pm, a study time in the afternoon (with LOTS of homework and about 8 books to read) and outreach at night until around 9:30pm. Just to paint you a picture, we're sleeping on the linoleum floor of a church basement and Jude is sleeping less than 10ft from us. And also 15ft from the other families sleeping in the basement. It's a little like boot camp. Two weeks have passed and we have two more weeks to go!!
We've learned a TON. I felt a little overwhelmed in thinking of ministering to such a difficult people in our special country. I feared what was foreign. But God has really broken down the walls of intimidation for me. God has granted us much grace in our interactions with people here. We've really learned to see them as PEOPLE. Not as "the lost". They each have a story. Their stories are as different as yours and mine and they can't be stereotyped. Jesus loves each of them. I find rest in knowing that He knows their stories and He longs for them to know Him.
We have so much to be thankful for! Jude has been a blessing to those around us! He's such a happy child and his little smile brings so much joy!
Many of you have been praying for us and for that we are so thankful. Our greatest request for prayer during this time has been for Jude's sleep because it has such a great effect on the rest of our family functions. And MANY of you have told us that you're praying. Thank you!!
I wish I could tell you that the answer has been YES.
But it hasn't.
And I'm discouraged.
I'm wrestling now with why God's answer to me has been "No".
This has been the most exhausting two weeks of my life. I have never faced such heavy weariness.
Jude has awoken every hour and half of every night for the past week.
My wonderful husband has done everything he can to try to relieve me.
Yet still I'm tired.
Desperately tired.
I pray for relief. You pray for relief.
I firmly believe that God has the power to control Jude's sleep.
So why is He answering no?
The only rationale I can find comes from Scripture, verse 29 in particular gives me hope for His purposes:
Romans 8:28-29
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
He is making me like Himself. Ease and joy do nothing for my sanctification. Brokenness brings an unrivaled dependence.
My only strength is His Strength.
My only joy is His Joy.
My only rest is His Rest.
And I will cling to this Truth.
When I ask Him why, I must remember that He is out for His glory and my good. And my good means His likeness. I will bless His name. My joy is to His credit despite the pain. He IS good. And I will hold tightly to that Truth.
8 comments:
Good girl! Such good stuff.
I will be praying for sleep.
I know that as a mother, God has spoken the clearest to me and taught me best when I was so exhausted I thought I would die.
I always look back and wonder why.
Why when I was so tired did I have such a sweet, intimate encounter with the Lord?
I'm sure the answer is everything you're saying...AND...when I'm tired, I have no strength to fight the Lord. I have no mental stamina to think of my ways instead of God's Ways. His thoughts become my thoughts because I'm too tired to think any of my own thoughts.
Rest in knowing you may hear clearer at the brink of exhaustion than any other times in your life.
After each baby is born in my home sweet revival breaks out in my heart. I realize how much of me obviously gets in the way when I'm interacting with the Lord. It's only when I am too tired to be me...too tired to talk...to tired to care...too tired to complain...too tired to wrestle that I see God's face, His grace, His desires for me in new ways.
We are praying for sleep. We will pray today and until you tell us to stop.
But if Jude even sniffles or coughs, I'd also be reaching for the Benadryl! Ha!
Heather
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It happened with us on our "vacation" last summer, and it was torture.
I'm praying for you and for Jude, and I hope that if the Lord doesn't bring consistent sleep, that you learn to rely on Him for strength, patience and mental clarity than you ever have before. It sounds like He is already teaching you wonderful things through this. He is good, regardless of how we perceive the situation. I love you!
So, so true Heather. Except I'm still fighting that whole grumbling and complaining thing. No wonder God had me memorizing Phil. 2 before we left for this trip!
And I actually think Benadryl has the OPPOSITE affect on Jude! He seems to cat nap (15 min) and then be full of energy. Sad huh?
Thank you both for your encouragement and prayers. I just know you've been through it!
Sally
praying for you guys!
Sweet friend,
After reading your post, my immediate reaction was to scrape up some Bible verse of comfort, slap it on a post, and convince you most sincerely that we are praying for you. And then the Lord told me to stop and pray over my exhortation...to really stop myself. So, I'll be back with a verse a little later. In the mean time, know that Brandon and I pray for the Estes family before we go to bed each night, pleading for Jude to sleep and for ya'll to trust anew the God who rejoices over you.
I love you and miss you!!
We are praying sweet Sally!! We love you so much!!
Miss you,
Carissa
I am praying for you Sally. I feel your pain. We are lifting you guys up.
jenn
I hope you have gotten some sleep this week, and that the Lord has given you a YES! If you've not gotten sleep, I hope you've gotten rest!
Love you,
LKE
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