I Love 'Em

i love you Lil' Bit!

Four Years and Counting- Still Feels Like Home

Thanks Sweetie. I have to say you beat me to it! I love you, I love you, I love you!! I know better now more than ever the power behind those words!!

"Feels Like Home"
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

At our wedding we danced to this song.
I thought I knew what Home felt like.
I thought the love we had was at its climax.
Oh, how I was wrong!!
Now that we've lived and loved for four years,
traveled the world
and been so out of sorts for so long,
I've found that where ever we go--
You are Home to me.
I take my best friend to (almost) every bed I sleep in.

And you listen to my ramblings, my hurts, and my girliness.
You balance me and make me wise.
You make mistakes and admit them.
And always forgive mine so readily.

I love your love.
I'm addicted to it.
Almost as long as I've known you, you've been my very favorite.

But it's hard.
VERY hard.
Sometimes suffocatingly so.
I lay in bed with tear stained eyes and wonder how we'll make it.
But then grace sweeps over me.
and over you.
Not necessarily at the same time.
And suddenly we have perspective
that it's going to take work.
But we're committed to trying
and not giving up.
And boy is it worth it!

I love you, I love you, I love you. I love how loving you helps me grow, teaches me to depend more on Jesus than ever before.

Because all of this is about Jesus.
If I miss that, I miss everything.
I long for our kids and the world to see Him in our marriage. May His powerful love be evident in us!!
I want to love you well. I want my love to refresh your soul.

This year I'm praying for more grace in my perspective.
I want to see you and love you like Jesus does.
I don't want my idealism to fill me with disappointment.
I want grace to fill me with thankfulness.
Jesus help me!!

I love you Jon.
I love walking this road with you.
Who knows where it's leading, but I'm ready!!

I miss you sweetheart!!
(Jon left for KY yesterday and will be gone for almost a month!! We already miss him TONS!)

Happy Anniversary Sally!

Fall 2004 (Engagement Picture)

Today marks four years . . . . four wonderful years of marriage. This is a rare post (rare because I [Jon] am posting something). Special events call for special posts.

A lot has happened in four years . . .

- We both graduated college (yes, we were married at 20 and 19; both before finishing school)
- We have moved from College Station to Houston to North Africa, back to Houston, and Lord willing, to Louisville
- We have worked in the business world and cross-cultural ministry
- We have added two precious boys to our family - Jude (born in College Station) and Brennan (born in North Africa)
- We have experienced mountain tops and valley lows
- We have experienced the Sovereign Grace of a good, good God

I love you Sally! Thank you for four wonderful years! You are an excellent wife, super mom, and beautiful women of God!

Love,
Jon

Fall 2008 (The Estes Family)

Turnaround

this year is to me
a story
of sorts
a medley
of mourning
and mending.
Not just peeling back
but
tearing
aching
bleeding.
the kind of pain that makes you feel your heartbeat.

cowardly
i shook my fist at You.
i begged You to make it stop.
i idolized the pleasantness of peace.
please Jesus.
please.
i wanted relief
more than
i wanted You.

and
then,
as a last resort
i clung to You
knuckles white.
i leaned in
desperate to hear
that pulse
so steady
so quiet.
and slowly
ever so
slowly
i felt
Life
course through my veins
and awaken me
to rich
shameless
dependency.

i saw myself as i was
so broken
so at the mercy of my own
failure
my own emotion
my own irrationality.

and then i saw You.
so able
so ready
not resenting me for my need
not dragging your feet
but so unmistakably ready to love
and undeniably strong enough
to fix me.
to heal me.

and now
here i am
leaving this place
with scars
with delightfully shameful reminders
of what was
and what You did
only by mercy
to change me.

i'm leaving this place
with a heart
full of love
full of joy
full of a desperate awareness
that YOU
are all i have.

so here's to hope.
here's to You not giving up on me.
here's to a beautiful turnaround.
a glorious, merciful turnaround.

Through our Eyes/ Take a Walk

Our Joy Boys
________________

Let's just say this post has been a LONG time coming. Since the day we decided to come home early, it's been a WHIRLWIND.

For so long I've wanted to fill you in on what normal looks like for us here. I regret that I didn't do this sooner. I'm so thankful for the family and friends that got to come visit us while we were here...they really got to see life through our eyes! It's been such a challenge and joy living here that I don't want to miss the chance to share it with you!

Also, Angie tagged me like four years ago but I haven't had the time to post. So here's a fulfillment of sorts...some very random things about this country!! Sorry it's taken so long Angie!
________________________________________________________________

So for a long time I refused to work out/ go walking in my neighborhood because I didn't want to stand out as a foreigner.

Well, we've been here long enough. Everyone knows I'm a foreigner. I'm mean really people, it's obvious. I figure I might as well go ahead and get my exercise...it's surely not making me stand out more than I already do!!

And...before I wasn't really needing to exercise because Jon & I were walking 40 minutes a day to and from the metro to get to our language school. And my oh my, I am NOT complaining!! Could things be ANY more ideal-- that my exercise was built-right-into my schedule?? I didn't even have a chance to get out of it!! LOVED that.

But we're not doing formal language school right now, so in the house I sit. Yep, and something about sitting must make your hips bigger...I'm sure of it.

A mom told me once (I think it was Jenn) that she runs because, with four kiddos, it's the best way to burn the most calories the fastest. Well folks, I think that'd be just about over the top in this country. So I'm sticking to walking. However, every once in awhile I get this strong urge to run. TOTALLY bizarre, I know. But it's one thing I REALLY look forward to....but maybe by the time I get the chance I won't have to wear spandex, get my drift???

Anyway, for the last 3 months, I've been taking the boys for walks several days a week. With Jude in stroller and Brennan in the pack, we'd head out for some fitness, fun, and fresh air. And recently I brought my camera along for some fun. I apologize for the low quality of some of these pictures! I didn't want to draw onlookers, so I was shooting quickly!

Below you'll find a list of fun things we see/ experience while walking, peppered with some not-so-fun things. ;0)

I'm doing this as much for myself as I am for you...ok maybe more. I don't want to forget the life we lived here. It holds so much significance for what the Lord did in us!! And one day Brennan will want to know what it looked like! He was born here!

After reading, you'll see that I have NO problem keeping Jude entertained in the stroller!!

- Chickens. Yep, free-roamin', trash-eatin', street-dominating Chickens. All sizes, shapes, and colors cross our path.If you look really close, on the left side of the picture, you can see where they slaughter the chickens (right there in the street!)

-Bougainvilleas! Most every house has a walled-in terrace here, and some of the walls have these gorgeous flowers hanging over them. I hate the closed-in feeling of all the white washed walls (aka you don't see anyone's yard or front door)...it just seems so unwelcoming! But for me, these flowers scream, "Hey! I would LOVE some visitors!" I like to think that the people who live inside are friendly. ;0)

-Sheep. Often they're herded through the neighborhood leaving wonderful gifts behind them on every last step of the street! This picture is taken standing at my kitchen sink!!


-TRASH. Big nasty piles of yuck-filled madness. The pictures don't even do it justice! Needless to say, here second graders are NOT taught the "Don't mess with Texas" slogan. This was a big shocker when I came but, sadly, I hardly notice it now (unless it smells).

A story on this-- my neighbor & I were once discussing the value of cleanliness in our cultures and she told me it's a HIGH value to keep your house virtually spotless, but LAUGHED when I asked her about the street....like, who in the world would clean the street? ...I guess it's obvious I come from nice, clean suburbia.

This is just across the street from our house.

When the pile gets big enough they burn it. And BOY does it smell GOOD!

-Wild dogs. Yeppers, it's true. But they don't attack. THANKFULLY.

-Construction Equipment! Jude LOVES this one! He identifies each piece as we walk by and repeats them louder if I don't respond to him with a, "You're right, buddy. That IS a backhoe." Seriously. He's a boy.

-Cat Corpses. And live cats too. But, surprisingly, sometimes the live ones are more gross than the dead ones. I don't have a picture for you. That would be morbid.

-Jasmine & Honeysuckle! Again, lovely. Makes my nose happy!

-CONTRAST. It's amazing how the VERY wealthy live right next door to the VERY poor here. These two pictures are both from my neighborhood.

The Rich.

And the Poor.

_______________

Now.
For our house.
You've seen plenty of the inside. Here's a few of around the place.
The pic at the top of our blog is a view of the city from our rooftop!

Our gate and living room balcony.

The view from our living room balcony.
Yep. A Dump!

That Dump sells bricks for building.

The view from our kitchen balcony.

I hope this post even semi-interesting. Just so you know, I've spent 3 months writing it! I just wanted it to be perfect. But, alas, it cannot be. For several reasons, but namely because

1. I am not Brandon nor Bethan Rogers.
2. My life is CRAZY busy at the moment!

Well, at least it's on paper...err...the internet! You know what I mean!
More to come soon!