This beautiful Something

I’m standing in my kitchen
crying.
Wondering how
I got here.
Wondering what this means
for my family
my marriage
my children
my sisters
my parents
my kindred fellowship.
Wondering if anything will ever happen
here
in this broken land
with these hearts
and God.
Wondering if there’s any purpose
really
in me being here.
Wondering what
good
will come of this.
Missing home
Missing who I could be
so comfortably
back there
and wondering if I’ll ever get to be
that
again
before heaven.
This move has taken me
It’s shaken me
It’s turned me inside out
Now I am
without a doubt
changed.
And something has sprung up
in me
A different sort of depravity
that’s made me cling to all I know
of Him.
The whys
the hows
the hurts
the longing
the hoping
for something I cannot today
and may never see
this side of eternity.
Yet this beautiful Something I’ve come to know
This beautiful Something causes me to hope
This mysterious gift of
faith
that first brought me here.
Now I am in my kitchen
crying
questioning
hurting
missing.
Yet I can see
from this place on my knees
that
faith is believing
that the
great
dark
chasm
between
flesh
and glory
is not too vast
to be crossed by a God who
longs
to bring people to Himself.
He is doing something
not nothing
here.
Though I am not who I say I am
most days,
He is
who He says He is.
And to that I will cling.
He’s given me
this beautiful Something
To believe He is enough
for them
for me.
I have assurance
here
In this mysterious gift of faith.